gratitude

Hope in Movies without Popcorn

Posted on by flareuphope

Good morning friends. No smoothie to share today as my husband is still sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him with a roaring blender. I do have a cup of Tazo Earl Grey tea sitting here though. I love the smell of Earl Grey. That hint of lavender is delicisou Do you have a favorite kind of tea you’ve been drinking lately? I’m always looking for new ones to try.

I still don’t think I am recovered from daylight savings. Monday was great, and it all went downhill from there. I’ve missed my morning yoga practice every day. Just can’t quite wake up out of the fog. It could be this weather too. It’s been a winter advisory pretty much all week, grey sky, sleet, snow or ice. Shmarch. 2qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqsw

That was a hello from Jojo the Cat. She’s also been a devil to deal with in the mornings and wakes up about an hour before dawn encouraging everyone else to get up and greet the day with her. Even with a full bowl of food, she is a morning person on steriods and just wants you to wake up, wake up, wake up! I should just start getting out of bed when the animal alarm clock wants me to instead of dozing in and out of dreams for another hour. I’m just so tired. The fatigue never goes away.

When I’m done here, I’ll be working on my grocery list and will try to head up to the market before everyone else and their brother get there. I love going to Horrocks, it’s a local farmers style market that we have here. They sell  delicious varieties of fresh produce and locally sourced meats as well as other items from area bakeries. And they have free coffee. Can’t beat that.

After groceries I’m going to see Beauty and the Beast with my Aunt and cousin. I’m not much of a movie goer these days, but I loved the cartoon and I’m really excited to see the live version. Going to a movie is one of those situations that revolve around food, and I just have a hard time getting excited about those anymore.  Movie theatre popcorn may be the one food item I miss the most post UC that I can’t find a replacement for. The smell, the mouthwatering buttery salty flavor..mmm. My college roommate and I used to go to the movie theatre just to get a bucket of popcorn and then go home to watch our own movies or shows. It was my favorite snack.

Digestive diseases aren’t usually a fan of the little kernels however, and my Ulcerative Colitis is completely against it. So, I’ll probably be smuggling in some coconut chips and maybe I’ll find some corn syrup free gummy bears I can slip into my purse. Living on the edge and smuggling snacks.

It is amazing how many situations in our culture revolve around particular meals or snacks. This has been a huge adjustment for me in coping with this disease, finding other foods or finding other ways to celebrate. I know it can be much harder for those with feeding tubes or other illnesses, and I’m lucky I have foods that I can eat. Change is difficult, and watching others not have to make those changes while you do can lead to a pit of self despair. I try not to go there and just make a decision to find a new way to enjoy it. Like today, for example. I could be jealous of the people with giant buckets of popcorn that surround me, but instead I’ll choose to be grateful for the time spent with my aunt and cousin, and to look at this opportunity as a blessing instead. It helps me to reverse the negative thought process towards gratitude. Do you come into these kinds of situations? Try it out and let me know what you find happens. Or if you have any other tips for those food centered holidays and gatherings.

 

Enjoy your Sunday. 🙂

 

 

Reflecting on 2016

Posted on by flareuphope

What. A. Year. 

Globally and nationally the world has seen a lot of tragedies and set backs, and there are a lot of people who are ready to put this year behind them and move forward with hopes that 2017 has to be better. 

It feels almost awful to say this due to the sadness I’ve seen across the globe, and please don’t view me as someone who doesn’t see these things happen and who isn’t affected by them. My heart has been broken over and over again and I can’t count the amount of times I’ve said I’m losing faith in humanity, or even that I had lost faith. 

The 2016 year that I lived has been so full of love and joy it’s almost bursting at that have seams. 

In January 

We rang in that have helped new year as my last time under my maiden name surrounded by great friends. I had a remicade infusion. My fiance and I found an awesome new restaurant where I blessed out on eating potato nachos and a glass of wine. I didn’t worry about running to the bathroom or curl up in pain.  

In February 

There was lots of wedding planning, folding paper flowers, practicing yoga and waiting for spring.

In March 

An awful MRI experience but confirmation I was cancer free, more remicade and my first bridal shower.  Never have I felt so loved or grateful.

In April 

Another bridal shower where I was embraced and accepted into a new family, bouquet making with my tribe and another infusion. 
In May


I turned 28, celebrated our upcoming marriage with all of our couple friends and truly blessed out at the amazing bachelorette party my lovely friends threw for me. This month was full of all of my favorite things and favorite people. 

In June

I married my best friend and favorite person in the entire world standing in the rain and then danced the night away in a barn that was almost 200 years old. We adventured to California and explored the coast from San Francisco to Eureka. We saw a whale tale and beautiful scenery and got to just be together. It was absolutely perfect. June ended on a low note with some upsetting TB diagnosis but only made me stronger in the end, as hard as it was to accept. 

In July 
We had weekends full of friends and family watching fireworks, going to baseball games, dinners and festivals. 

In August 

We saw Paul McCartney in concert, had another remicade infusion and met a new doctor at an IBD center. So happy to have a good medical team on my side. We also celebrated the pregnancy of one of my oldest and dearest friends and threw her a baby shower. 

In September 

We went canoeing and had cookouts and a Baby Q, pool parties and we finished the TB treatment.  I travelled to my first IBD event as a consultant on a patient panel for Ulcerative Colitis. I got to fly to Miami and meet some of my IBD heroes in real life, and be a part of something bigger that could improve treatment and options available for those diagnosed with UC. 

In October 

We celebrated the marriage of one of my best friends to his perfect match, had another remicade infusion, introduced our dog to his brother and enjoyed some gorgeous fall weather.

In November

 I flew to Atlanta for another UC patient panel. We welcomed a baby boy, Bobby, to our tribe. We saw cranes migrating and adventured to the Upper Peninsula hunting down waterfalls for Thanksgiving weekends after 2 joyous Friends-givings.

In December 

My first IBD Twitter Chat, lots of IBD awareness, simple Christmases and a new feline addition to our household. 


I’m looking to 2017 with lots of self care, optimism and a sense of adventure. I broke my remission streak during my TB treatment but luckily was able to snap back into it quickly and have been feeling great. I will continue to do everything I can to stay here, but I know that often these things are out of my control and I can only do my best. Whatever happens.

I don’t make resolutions but I do make lists and letters of what I want to accomplish and the state of mind I want to obtain. I’m so excited for the plans I have for this year. 

What about you? How was your year? What are you most looking forward to?

Gratitude 

Posted on by flareuphope

My husband and I are taking off for Thanksgiving weekend and exploring the Upper Peninsula. Our car is loaded up with snacks, snowpants and blankets. The dog is curled up next to me in the passenger seat and I’ve got a thermos of coffee still hot from 6 am. 

I have so much to be thankful for this year, and in the spirt of Thanksgiving I’ve spent the last month trying to make myself more aware of those things. It is so easy to get wrapped up in what isn’t going as I had planned and to forget about what I’ve been blessed with. 

I’m taking this weekend away from social media, away from blogging and away from it all. Disconnecting in order to reconnect with what is truly important. 

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and that it reminds you to stop for a moment. Stop worrying, rushing, stressing, wasting and just be in the moment. Be with the people you love, in spirit or in person. Look around you. Notice the smells, the sounds, the temperature .  There is good stuff to find, I promise. The holidays can bring out some of the worst in us sometimes, but try not to let the pressure the season brings steal your joy. Stay focused on the good. Enjoy yourself. With chronic illness we don’t always know what’s going to come next, and life sure isn’t easy. Choose to make the most of it. Choose to be grateful. Choose to find hope in those stressful moments. 

Have a wonderful weekend. Thanks for being a part of this community  

Gratitude Challenge-Day 17, 18, 19

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Tradition, Friendship, Book.

My best friend from high school had her first baby boy this week! She’s been in the hospital since Monday but I was able to go up there and get in some baby snuggles. It’s nice to go to the hospital for a good reason for once.  It’s crazy to me that I’m at the time of my life where all the people I grew up with are getting married and having kids of their own, I swear we were just kids doing stupid things yesterday. Anyway, I’m really glad I was healthy enough to go visit and congratulate her and her husband. I’m so excited for their new little family.

One of my favorite Traditions on my dad’s side of the family is that we do not celebrate Thanksgiving in November. We do it in February. It takes the stress out of trying to visit every family member without upsetting someone and gives us all a reason to get together again and just enjoy each others company. I’m lucky enough to be close with all of my cousins on my dad’s side, and now they’re having kids that I get to spoil too. I don’t have any brothers or sisters by birth, so these are my nieces and nephews and I just love them. It’s great to have this dedicate February Thanksgiving, and my grandparents just love having the whole family together at these times. It makes me happy to see how happy they are.

Like I said above, I don’t have any birth brothers or sisters. I do have a lot of friends though that I consider family. I don’t believe that family is blood, I find that it’s who you choose and who you have in your inner circle. I’m so blessed to have found some of my greatest friendships at this stage of my life, and to have continued some through high school that have stood the test of time through teenage years and college. Today I’m heading to Friendsgiving to celebrate with some of those people. I couldn’t be more grateful for all of them. They make me a better person.

I grew up reading. Literally. I grew up surrounded by books, and I still could get lost in book stores for hours upon hours until I’m dizzy from tilting my head sideways reading book titles and be a happy girl. I don’t really have a favorite book, but I always keep the ones that give me a book hangover. If you aren’t familiar with a book hangover, it’s when you become so involved with the story that you actually feel a part of it and when you finish the book you’re in this kind of funky state of mind for a while until you come back to reality. I love children’s books too, and I think it is SO IMPORTANT to read to children. There’s so much to benefit from reading, and I’m glad that was instilled in me from pretty much day one of my life on this planet.

 

What are some of your traditions or favorite books? Hope you’re all having a great weekend, don’t forget to take a moment to appreciate the people you are spending it with.

 

Gratitude Challenge Day 15: Under My Feet

Posted on by flareuphope

Today I’m thankful for the wood floors in my house that I hear my dogs toes go clicking clack on. I’m thankful for the grass that the flowers bloom in and that it makes everything so green and bright in the spring. I’m thankful for the pavement that let’s me drive to work and home and to be with family and friends. 

I’m thankful for the ground that supports me and let’s me reconnect with my roots. 

Gratitude Challenge-Days 10-14

Posted on by flareuphope

Sorry for leaving you hanging for the weekend. The negativity on social media was starting to seep into my brain and I had to take a bit of a hiatus.

Feeling refreshed and back to sharing good things today, so let’s get started.

Day 10- Family

Day 11- Animal

Day 12- Yoga

Day 13- Mornings

Day 14- Evening.

Flip  it and reverse it.

My perfect weekday evening includes coming home to a clean kitchen, eating a delicious dinner, watching the news or a show with my husband, and relaxing with a meditation or a soothing yoga practice. Today I came home to a clean kitchen and dinner already to be eaten and I’m really grateful for that.

Lately I’ve been turning to the TV for my source of entertainment during the evening these days, but I’m working on this. It’s just so easy to sit in front of a show and get sucked in to doing nothing. Sometimes it is exactly what I need, but I don’t think it’s best to do it all the time in the long run. I’m trying to incorporate more self-care rituals into my evening routine in order to get the best nights sleep so that I wake up refreshed in the morning. My favorite way is with a really gentle yoga session, a yummy candle, and a bit of journaling and goal setting. Then crawling into a made bed with an extra blanket and fuzzy socks and my dog curled up at my feet. Perfect.

My best morning includes a workout, followed by a shower with enough time to let my hair air-dry without having to rush it. I love to have a cup of coffee or hot water with lemon while watching the sun rise and catching some early morning puppy snuggles. Best way to start the day.

I’ve already covered yoga a few times here, but it’s really been a healing experience for me once I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. It taught me the importance of the breath, of taking a moment for myself, and of  paying attention and listening to my body. It’s changed my life and allowed me to be more present. I was really good about staying in a routine and doing it every morning but with my work schedule currently I have gotten away from it. This will change again in a few weeks, but I’ve definitely noticed a difference when I don’t practice regularly. I have a lot of anger and frustration that resurface easily when I haven’t been practicing. Yoga just helps me deal.

I’m most grateful for my furbaby Sam as an animal. I was blessed enough to grow up knowing the companionship and loyalty of a dog, but this little guy has been my BFF for the last 8 years. I got him when I moved into an apartment by myself during college, it was a small, small, small, bed came out of the wall don’t walk around outside in the dark type of place. And he kept me company from day one there until now. He and my husband have a good bond now, they are actually snuggled up on the couch together as I write this and Sam even interrupted the father daughter dance at my wedding (lol). He’s my best boy.

Which brings us to family. I’m an only child, but I have a pretty close extended family, and now a group of in-laws to add to the mix. There are so many things I could say here, but I’m just going to say that I’m one of the lucky ones. My family is amazing. Everyone is a bit different, and we’re all a little nuts, but we love to laugh and smile and every single member of my family knows how to live. There isn’t a life wasted, or a moment of regret. There’s truth, love, laughter and always lots of food to go around no matter where we are. I could spend hours going on about them, but I’m just going to say I’m absolutely blessed for the family that I do have and I don’t take that for granted for a second.

 

Thanks for bearing through this ramble of a post! 🙂 I’ll be back at it tomorrow with regular posts for the rest of the month. Have a great evening.

 

Gratitude Challenge Day 9- Quote

Posted on by flareuphope

R.M. McNeil (my grandma)

My grandma said this to me a few months ago and it has stuck with me as a mantra for my life. With everything that’s going on in the world, giving back and giving an hand up or a hand out is important, and it’s a value I hold dear. These words remind me to be kind and generous and helpful, whether that be with my time, words or dollars. My grandmother has taught me a lot over the years, and I’m so grateful for her heart and the influence she has had on mine. 

Gratitude Challenge: Day 8- Hero

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I don’t think I could write a post that named everyone I felt was my hero.  I am constantly inspired to be a better person by my family, my inner circle of friends and my husband. For this purpose though, I’d like to take a little bit of time to talk about the people I have met the last few months.

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I’m honored and humbled to have been surrounded by these amazing and strong people at patient panels recently. At each panel, there were about 3 out of the 16-17 of us that had not had any surgery. Almost everyone else had had their colon removed and now had a jpouch or were in the process of having the surgeries. Everyone had their own ulcerative colitis story to tell, but more importantly, everyone was there because they wanted to make changes and improvements for other patients.  There were laughs, tears, hugs, debates, and a passion for improving the quality of care and treatments for this disease. There were friendships built, connections made, ideas sparked, and mostly…hope resurfaced. There are people missing from these pictures, some that weren’t at the conference and some I couldn’t get a selfie with but you all know who you are, and I’m so grateful for all of you.

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There’s only one colon in this picture, but a whole lot of love. 
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My favorite ninja, and my first IBD friend. 
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This girl is so sweet. 

Gratitude Challenge: Day 5- Sweet Treat

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Yesterday I was at a patient panel in Atlanta to help improve the availability of resources and support for people with Ulcerative Colitis. I’ll share more on that later, but I can tell you that I was SO excited to find a sweet treat I could purchase at the Chicago O’Hare Airport while waiting for my return flight home.

Gluten, corn or soy were not included in my diet after I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. While removing these items did not cure me or push me into remission, I do believe they help keep me there. I did an elimination diet to find out what foods made me feel bad or good, and these three were all on the bad list. I have tried to reintroduce them previously but have not had any positive results so far.

To satisfy my sweet tooth, and I have a serious sweet tooth, I have a lot of home-made paleo baked goods, and every time I’m at the grocery store, I read the back of every single chocolate bar to find one without soy in it. It is so exciting to find one that doesn’t have it, though they are rare.

I received a gift from my closest friends that included all kinds of recipes specific to my diet restrictions and that book had some really yummy looking marshmallow treats in it. Unfortunately when our basement flooded that book became a casualty and I haven’t bought a replacement yet. I haven’t had marshmallows in 3 years. This might not seem like a big deal, but I love a big cute mug of hot chocolate with some marshmallows in the winter.  A mug of chocolate almond milk does the trick now, but I’ve had to go without the gooey sweet mallows for a while because they are all made of corn syrup.

Well, that all came to an end last night. I found Katherine Anne Confections at the airport and they had homemade marshmallows and they are delicious. I ate one at the airport last night and then enjoyed another in my coffee this morning. Sam wanted some too. Sometimes its the little things to brighten up your day, like a sweet treat you haven’t been able to eat in years that you find in an airport. Mmmmmmhmmmmm.

 

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