How to Enjoy Your Wedding Day When You Have A Chronic Illness

I’ve received a lot of requests for this post over the last year, and figured our first anniversary would be a good time to answer those questions. Here are my top 5 tips for enjoying your wedding day despite a chronic illness.

  1. Make time for yourself. 

    Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
    Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

The morning of our wedding was absolutely gorgeous. I spent some time alone in the morning before everyone arrived at the house doing yoga, sipping on a cup of coffee and writing a letter to my soon to be husband. (Instead of sand or candles, we decided to write each other a letter and to put it in a box together to open on our first anniversary. Every anniversary after we will write another letter and open the one from the year before.) I watched the sun rise over the river, wrote in my journal a bit and basically gave myself a few moments to just be.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

I knew that if this short hour to myself would likely be my only alone time, and I savored those moments and gave my body some well deserved self care and relaxation. It really helped me get present for the rest of the day and to make sure I was focusing on what really mattered. This step is important throughout the wedding planning process also. It can be so challenging not to get wrapped up in the pinterest boards and the details and trying to make everyone else happy that you forget about yourself and to pay attention to what you need.  When you’re fighting against your body, you have to listen to what it says while it is whispering instead of waiting until it is screaming at you to stop and make a change. Make it a habit to make time for yourself.

 2. Surround yourself with people who lift you up. 

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

Ain’t nobody got time for negativity. I’m so blessed to have the most amazing tribe of girlfriends who all bring their own unique character traits to the table. My girls balanced me, kept me grounded, supported me and kept me smiling. My husband’s guys kept me laughing and everyone was troupers as it started to rain moments before we were about to walk down the aisle.

My family that day was amazing. My dad particularly went above and beyond to make sure everything was as it should be and that everyone was having a great time. We were overwhelmed by the love and generosity by every guest and were surrounded by love all day.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

I know that not everyone has this type of environment or support systems. If this is the case, consider who you really want to be surrounded with when you make the biggest promise of your life. What kind of energy do you want to bring to your day? Physical energy is flaky with autoimmune disease, and I find that when I’m surrounded by people who are at a lower vibration (or who don’t enjoy life), I lose zest.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black PhotographyInvite the people who bring light in your life. Make them a part of it. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t invite your coworkers dog-sitter or your mom’s cousin’s kids that you haven’t met, ever. This is about you and your husband and who you love, and who loves you best. You won’t regret surrounding yourself with awesome people, you might regret inviting Debbie Downer.

3. Put someone else in charge on the day of. 

Whether you hire someone, loop in a friend or family member, or get the DJ to take over, get someone to take the lead on the big day.

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My best friend from high school was my hostess with the mostess, and even while pregnant she took charge and smiled the whole time. My cousins were in charge of pouring champagne, and my stepsister served drinks with the help of her friend. My in-laws were in charge of clean up the next day. “People want to help you, and you should let them,” was the persistent advice of my future mother in law.

This was probably the hardest advice that I had to take. I’m big on “No thanks, I’m good,” and can handle everything on my own. I know I can handle it, but sometimes you just shouldn’t have to. Particularly on days like today where the celebration is about you. Pass the torch and let someone else take over making sure the centerpieces are all set and that the guys have their boutonnieres and to make the decision on whether to continue the ceremony in the rain or take an hour to move everyone inside. This is your time to enjoy all the things you created, not to think or stress.

4. Whoooosahhhhhh

Breathe. And be grateful.

Not everything is going to go exactly as you planned.

And those moments are the best ones. Let go of expectation, and just enjoy every moment for what it’s worth. We had the most relaxing morning at my home getting ready, and all of a sudden I was supposed to meet my future husband for our first look in 15 minutes and my makeup wasn’t done and I wasn’t dressed and we had taken zero bridal party pictures and everyone was asking if I was okay. I felt myself rushing and getting tied up in freaking out for a minute and then took a breath and remembered that the show can’t start without us. We’ll have plenty of opportunities for pictures, for everything little.  We’re getting married today. I’m alive. Nothing else really matters. So I took a deep breath, let it go, and went back to enjoying myself.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

Things are going to happen that you don’t expect or maybe didn’t want to happen. But in the end, these moments will be the best and you’ll look back on them again and again throughout the years.

You might cut your foot open 5 minutes after wearing your shoes and have to change into flip flops right before you walk down the aisle, but at least you’re comfortable.

It might be sunny until the moment you have to walk down the aisle and then it may decide to rain. But you’ll get the greatest picture with your dad in an umbrella.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

You might not get all of the pinterest-worthy golden hour photos you anticipated, but you’ll have some hilarious moments with the bridal party as you are stuck in an old ice cream parlor.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

The best man might swear in his speech and it may go on for a while, but you will laugh and it will be one of your favorite memories and something that will be talked about forever.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

The flower girl and ring bearer might not want to walk down the aisle. But they are absolutely adorable so it doesn’t matter.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

The dog might follow you everywhere all night and even interrupt the daddy-daughter dance, but you’d rather have him there with you than not at all.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

Those unplanned, unintentional moments are the best.

    5. Pay attention to your hands. 

 Weird advice, I know, but hear me out.

You will look at your hands every day of the rest of your life. Likely they’ll now have a ring on the left hand to help you remember this day, but if you focus on your hands, you’ll remember more of the moments.

With chronic illness, our hands often go through a lot. They are constantly being washed to prevent infection, sometimes they are being poked with an IV for medications, and sometimes they are squeezing or clenching in pain. Our hands hold a lot of memories. Having good ones when you have to go through something tough can make it a little easier. Here are some of my favorite memories:

I think about the mimosa I held and the piece of turkey my future cousin-in law handed me while my makeup was getting done.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

My hand tapped on my future husband’s shoulder when we met for our first look.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

My hand gripped by bouquet that was made by my cousin, wrapped with my great grandmothers brooch she wore to her wedding. My fingers touched my necklace that was made from diamonds from my other great grandmothers ring.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

My hand linked through my dad’s arm as he walked me down the aisle.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

My hands met my husbands as we stood in rain, looked into each others eyes and stated our vows.Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography

My hands were lifted as we were married and ran together down the aisle out of the rain.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

My hands wrapped around my friends and family as we laughed and took pictures.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

My hand was covered with my husbands as we cut our cake.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

My hand held a glass of champagne as we said cheers, and held the hands of others as we prayed.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

My hands wiped away tears as both sets of my grandparents danced as they shared the dance for the “longest married couple.”

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

My hands held more hands as we all danced and laughed and danced.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

And most importantly, my hands were held, by my best friend, my forever partner in life

and were promised they’d always have another to hold.

Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography - Millers Dairy Farm - Phil Black Photography
Eaton Rapids Wedding Photography – Millers Dairy Farm – Phil Black Photography

Reflecting on 2016

What. A. Year. 

Globally and nationally the world has seen a lot of tragedies and set backs, and there are a lot of people who are ready to put this year behind them and move forward with hopes that 2017 has to be better. 

It feels almost awful to say this due to the sadness I’ve seen across the globe, and please don’t view me as someone who doesn’t see these things happen and who isn’t affected by them. My heart has been broken over and over again and I can’t count the amount of times I’ve said I’m losing faith in humanity, or even that I had lost faith. 

The 2016 year that I lived has been so full of love and joy it’s almost bursting at that have seams. 

In January 

We rang in that have helped new year as my last time under my maiden name surrounded by great friends. I had a remicade infusion. My fiance and I found an awesome new restaurant where I blessed out on eating potato nachos and a glass of wine. I didn’t worry about running to the bathroom or curl up in pain.  

In February 

There was lots of wedding planning, folding paper flowers, practicing yoga and waiting for spring.

In March 

An awful MRI experience but confirmation I was cancer free, more remicade and my first bridal shower.  Never have I felt so loved or grateful.

In April 

Another bridal shower where I was embraced and accepted into a new family, bouquet making with my tribe and another infusion. 
In May


I turned 28, celebrated our upcoming marriage with all of our couple friends and truly blessed out at the amazing bachelorette party my lovely friends threw for me. This month was full of all of my favorite things and favorite people. 

In June

I married my best friend and favorite person in the entire world standing in the rain and then danced the night away in a barn that was almost 200 years old. We adventured to California and explored the coast from San Francisco to Eureka. We saw a whale tale and beautiful scenery and got to just be together. It was absolutely perfect. June ended on a low note with some upsetting TB diagnosis but only made me stronger in the end, as hard as it was to accept. 

In July 
We had weekends full of friends and family watching fireworks, going to baseball games, dinners and festivals. 

In August 

We saw Paul McCartney in concert, had another remicade infusion and met a new doctor at an IBD center. So happy to have a good medical team on my side. We also celebrated the pregnancy of one of my oldest and dearest friends and threw her a baby shower. 

In September 

We went canoeing and had cookouts and a Baby Q, pool parties and we finished the TB treatment.  I travelled to my first IBD event as a consultant on a patient panel for Ulcerative Colitis. I got to fly to Miami and meet some of my IBD heroes in real life, and be a part of something bigger that could improve treatment and options available for those diagnosed with UC. 

In October 

We celebrated the marriage of one of my best friends to his perfect match, had another remicade infusion, introduced our dog to his brother and enjoyed some gorgeous fall weather.

In November

 I flew to Atlanta for another UC patient panel. We welcomed a baby boy, Bobby, to our tribe. We saw cranes migrating and adventured to the Upper Peninsula hunting down waterfalls for Thanksgiving weekends after 2 joyous Friends-givings.

In December 

My first IBD Twitter Chat, lots of IBD awareness, simple Christmases and a new feline addition to our household. 


I’m looking to 2017 with lots of self care, optimism and a sense of adventure. I broke my remission streak during my TB treatment but luckily was able to snap back into it quickly and have been feeling great. I will continue to do everything I can to stay here, but I know that often these things are out of my control and I can only do my best. Whatever happens.

I don’t make resolutions but I do make lists and letters of what I want to accomplish and the state of mind I want to obtain. I’m so excited for the plans I have for this year. 

What about you? How was your year? What are you most looking forward to?

Hope in Plot Twists

I’m married!! Our wedding was an amazing rainy day and we left and spent the following week in beautiful Northern California, ending in San Francisco before taking the red eye back home the following Sunday.

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I was blessed enough to be able to enjoy my wedding and reception in remission, thanks a lot to remicade and my lifestyle choices that I practice daily. I was planning on writing this blog about my tips on how to deal with IBD on your honeymoon,  but the tides have turned, so I’m writing to tell you about why I can’t take remicade until further notice.

I had a follow up visit with my GI just to check in (standard appt every 6 months) the day after we returned from our honeymoon. 
I was shocked and saddened and depressed and furious to find out that they are denying my remicade treatments for future infusions.
I had a blood test come back positive to TB.  My skin test came back negative and so did the chest x ray. The doctor stated in the office that due to my noncompliance and failure to see an infectious disease doctor, they would no longer sign off on the remicade.
Let me interrupt here and state how at this moment I burst in to tears. Noncompliant?! I had no missed calls, no voicemails, no letters no GD portal notifications that they always say to check, absolutely NOTHING that told me this was going to happen . No referrals, no notice by pigeon carrier or telegraph. Nothing. (I even called Verizon to verify my phone records after I left the office. They never called me or left a voice mail on the one date they said they did, may 17th My appt was June 14th.) I had no idea I was supposed to be getting a referral for an Infectious disease doctor and that I needed to start treatment for a disease I didn’t really have.

Needless to say, the PA handed me at box of tissues and said, and I quote. “Don’t stress. Stressing causes flares.”
Followed by
“UC is a very serious disease. You could loose your colon. TB is also very serious.”
No help at all dude. Why do you think I was bawling in your office? I know UC is serious, I have it. I was in the hospital and almost lost my life because if it. I am very careful in how I eat, drink, sleep, and am active because of it. I know my disease. 

He said I needed to see and ID doctor asap, but it would probably take a month or so and then whatever he decides would determine how we proceed. So basically I had no infusions and no plan. Just a wait and see.

I messaged my PCP immediately after I got home and left a message with her receptionist.  Luckily my PCP is an angel and she was up until midnight working to get me an appointment the next morning. She has a Jpouch and knows IBD, and knows I’m not a noncompliant patient. She made it very clear she’s here to support me. I wish everyone had a doctor like her. 

I went to the ID doctor and, to avoid getting into all the technicalities bc I understood nothing when I left there, I’m going to explain the results like how my PCP explained them to me.

I don’t have active TB. I was probably exposed to TB at some point in my life and that’s why it’s in my blood stream. It very likely could be that the blood test is a false positive and I was never exposed in the first place.  Other bacteria etc can produce a positive when it’s not actually TB.
I still have to be treated for TB before we can even think about restarting remicade, false positive or no. If you’re on remicade and you get a positive TB reading, it’s no more remicade for you, perhaps indefinitely.
My treatment is 3 months long, starting tomorrow, 2 medications twice a day. I would miss 2 infusions. If antibodies don’t build, I may be able to restart remicade and it may still work. We don’t know. And I have yet to get answers from my GI.
My GI was asked by the ID doctor to see if I can get both at the same time. I’m doubtful that they will approve it and I have yet to hear back from them since Tuesday.

So, I’m starting off my marriage going from total bliss and gratitude to shock, saddness, anger and really pushing our in sick and in health vows.

At the moment, I’m processing the fact that I have to take these medications in the first place. I’m devastated that the drug that has brought me to remission and given me a chance at a semi normal life is being ripped away. I have a lot of anxiety and depression creeping in. But, I’m coming up with a plan, and I’m dealing with it. This won’t defeat me. Us. This life we’re building.

The first thing this weekend is to get the space in my house cleared out and make some positive energy, because I’m going to need all that I can get for these next few months.
I’m trying not to dwell on the things I’ll be missing, but instead thinking of it as a new path I’ll be taking. A plot twist, if you will.

It’s not easy to think like this. I’m writing this through tears right now. It sucks. But, I’ve got a great support system, and like my husband (!) said, they will be there every “suck of the way.” There might be rain right now, but like the sun is coming soon.  And now I’m done with the metaphors, and have brought you all up to speed, so here’s some happy wedding day photos.

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